Coming Out

I’ve always wondered if being kinky is similar to being gay. There is a lot of debate about whether or not this is something that is hard wired. I don’t really know. I do know that I have spanking in my earliest memories. I can not think of a time when I was not interested in it. As a young child I perked up when other people said the word. I also tried to get the neighbor boy spanked for crimes he was innocent of. By the time I was in junior high I was haunting parenting forums and pretending to be a spanked teenager. I never had any doubts that when I grew up I would be in a relationship that included spanking.

I wasted no time seeking out this relationship as soon as I left home. I had only been away from home for about a month when I met the man who would become my Owner. Since that time I’ve struggled quite a bit to figure out what the appropriate line is between being honest and open about my life and maintaining a bit of discretion. For example, I tried to present my relationship to my first roommate as totally ordinary and vanilla. This tactic failed because 1) I am a bad liar and 2) it became obvious rather quickly that he was “controlling.” I had to explain the situation to her in order to prevent her from thinking I was in an abusive relationship.

Eventually I decided to be as honest as possible with the people in my life. I don’t have close friends who are not able to be accepting of my lifestyle. This became really essential as I grew closer to the family and the children. I have the luxury as a young woman of not having much to lose. I don’t have a well established professional and social network to worry about when I’m considering who to be honest with. In that sense I guess I am totally “out” of the closet.

This isn’t the case with the other two members of my family, though. They had an entire public life well before I ever came on the scene. They have professional jobs and go to each others office parties. They go to parent teacher conferences together and everyone knows who is the husband and who is the wife. Having a second “wife” doesn’t really fit with that picture. Having a stay at home sex slave fits even less. In that sense, I am closeted as well as my family.

I will never be the “wife” and this is really difficult for me. It hurts every time I am introduced as just the nanny, or worse- the friend. This is nobody’s fault, it just goes with the territory of living the way we do.

Since moving in full time some of this has changed. My Owner told his entire family about me. He’s also begun to introduce me as his “girlfriend” to more people than he ever did before. Most people who ask are told that he lives with two women. We also just came out to the school. Apparently the kids were making comments that were confusing to the staff. Friends of our friends have asked if we are “sister wives” and been told yes. All of these things mean a lot to me. I don’t think most people really realize how powerful it is to be validated until they are put in a situation where they can’t be.

Chances are we won’t ever be able to be 100% “out of the closet” to the world at large. Society just isn’t ready and we do have six mouths to feed. In the mean time I am incredibly thankful that we are surrounded by as much support as we are and I will continue to treasure the situations when I can be recognized for my unique role in my family. I think everyone deserves to have that.