Blessings

I’ve been pretty conflicted lately. Sometimes it’s really hard to know the right way to do things. As a couple of comments recently have pointed out, this does comes through in my writing a bit. I think that’s because one of the main purposes of writing for me is to vent. I think out loud and it is really one of the only ways I am able to process my feelings. In my relationships this occasionally causes issues, so it’s usually better if I can take care of it via the written word. Of course, even if the conclusions I come to are positive, the processing often takes on a negative tone while I’m working through things

Yet, overall things are very good in my life. First of all, I have a wonderful family. I don’t know how many readers will have been exposed directly to the BDSM and/or poly communities, but I can tell you that our poly family is pretty unique. Although I’ve only been in my relationship four and a half years (CC for 9 years), by “lifestyle” standards this is long term. In fact, one of the issues that has started to come up in my life is that there are few people with more experience than us locally who I can go to for advice. We are starting to be the experienced ones. Weird!

Also, I’m getting to do the thing I have dreamed about doing since I was a little girl. Namely, I’m a homemaker. Of course adult reality doesn’t always match childhood fantasy, but it’s good. I feel like I’m doing good, and I love our kids. I’m also growing in my skill set every day. I’m far more organized now than I ever was before, and I can honestly say that before this experience I had no clue about taking care of myself, yet alone a family.

I am madly in love with my Owner. I know his feelings aren’t returned in the same way, but I also know he cares about my happiness, and when I’m doing the things I need to be doing as a slave we have an intimacy that is hard to put into words.

I am living more freely and with less inhibitions than almost anyone has the luxury to do. I love being able to pursue the things that make me happy whatever they are with the knowledge that I will be loved and supported by those around me. I’m fulfilling my fantasies and helping others do the same. While many many kinky people are stuck in situations where the consequences of exposure are not worth the experience of fulfillment I have the freedom to be myself and to find people who love and honor me anyway.

I think sometimes I really need to take time to step back and remember some of these things. When I’m not getting something I want, or when I’m upset because of an issue I think it is worth while to remember that I have chosen to be here with these people for a reason. And I am incredibly lucky.