Primary

Master and I have been talking a lot about the definition of “primary partner” recently. The reason it started was that he is very concerned about not being CCs primary anymore. He fears that if they open themselves up to new possibilities that the result will be with him as her secondary partner after years of living together and being primary to each other.  So, we got to talking.

I’m not sure I understand Master’s definition of “primary” but I know what it means for me. Being primary with someone is about the role I share in their life.  It’s about the value that they place on the relationship. I need to know that the person to whom I am primary values our relationship at the highest level possible. I need to know that making and keeping things right with me is the focus and that no other person or relationship is going to win out.

I don’t think it’s about exclusivity. I can easily imagine another person (or people) being at that level. I think the catch there is that everyone needs to be at that level together for that to work. There can not be conflicting interests. That’s actually one of the things I’m discovering is a problem for me now. I have had both Master and CC (our family as a whole) in the primary position. I’m struggling with feeling I now have to choose between my wife and my Master as to who gets to be the primary in my life.

Master seems to equate being primary to living together and… I’m not sure what else. It seems to be in large part about power for him. In fact, Master expressed concern about future dynamics because he isn’t sure that he wants another slave at the level that I am. He could see him self in a DD relationship, or maybe a more “normal” relationship and he is concerned that I could view that as threatening, or lose my primary status.  This is something we need to talk about, but right now it doesn’t seem to be about power.

What I need to know is my value. I need to know that Master is committed to making us work.  I need to know that no matter what he has with anyone else  his priority is keeping us strong.  I need to know that making sure my needs are met, and our needs jointly comes before pursuing fun on the side or secondary relationships. I need to know that secondary relationships are going to be balanced with his relationship with me and that as any of them grow in importance to him he is committed to keeping me in this place, even if he is adding to it.

These things are pretty core to me.  I know being primary is core to Master too, but I don’t know how much of it matches up.