Ouch

I got a reality check the other night and it was extremely unpleasant. I guess this is an example of true colors coming out.  You see, one of the things I’ve been most frustrated about in this situation is the fact that I seem to have no say. CC and Master tell me I’m equating them disagreeing with me to not having a say, but I don’t think I am.  Actually, I think I’m equating having my needs ignored in favor of their needs as an indication that I’m not so valued a member of the family after all.

CC confirmed this when we talked about the kids the other night.  I expressed my views, which don’t really matter in this context. CC immediately informed me that I’m allowed to have my feelings, but that I’m not their mom or dad.  Of course she’s right, I’m not. I’m their- Bridget. Master is Dad, CC is Mom. I don’t have a label other than parent. But lets look at how the kids see me. The older boys tell people they have two moms.  I was home with the baby for the first year and a half of his life and he asks where I am when I’m gone. He looks for me and says, “I found you!” and “I love you so much!” I’m certainly a step parent to the older two, but I don’t think that’s the case with the little one.

Plus, we are talking five years later.  Master isn’t the biological father to the older kids, either. He just committed himself to being their dad early in their lives. I’m sure CC doesn’t appreciate my presumption here, but I guess I can’t help it. I threw myself whole heartedly into being there for these kids. I bonded with the boys and knew I wanted to be in their lives no matter what. I recognize the responsibility involved in being in the lives of children, and I know that this is a forever commitment.  For most of these years I’ve been heavily involved in their home life even before I moved in.

Not to mention that we’ve talked for years about my role as a parent and how it differs from that of a babysitter.  We told the school I was a family member.  I had every reason to believe that this was my role in the family. Heck, I wrote a pretty ranty blog post here on the subject too.  Guess I have egg on my face now, huh?

So let me get this straight. I’ve given five years of my life to this family. I intend to be involved in the lives of the kids forever. I’ve been involved in their home life and their parenting. I’ve stayed home with the baby. I’ve been an active part of raising these kids. But, five years later, my views on how this is going to affect the kids don’t matter because I’m “not their Mom or Dad.”

Five years later, I’m still not a “real” parent.  I really can’t believe it.