Whose Space Is It?

So,  yesterday I was publicly chastised for using the comment section on another person’s blog to engage in open disagreement and discussion with one of the other readers about tolerance, religious and otherwise. It was the religious portion of the discussion that was offensive to at least one of the blog owners. She also said, with regard to my comments,  “However, in all the time we’ve written here, I don’t remember anyone ever using OUR comments to go after another reader. That feels a little like having someone who is a guest in my home decide to pick a fight with another guest, and that is unacceptable.”

Apparently the view of this blog owner is that I was brow beating this other person by stating my opposing views and that my views were not to be expressed in “their” space.  I was encouraged to use my own space to do that. So, I guess that is what I will do.

My intent was to let it go, or at least wait a day or two and see how I would be feeling then. However, it turns out I’m rather pissed. I wasn’t pissed when all this started. I was not mad at the other commenter, and I did not feel we were having an ugly discussion. Actually I thought the discussion was rather interesting and I was enjoying engaging with this person. We both had strong views, and I think that makes for interesting conversation.

I wasn’t even pissed when the blogger decided to call me out and chastise me publicly. That’s one of my kinks after all, public humiliation. But, I did think it was excessively nasty and a huge escalation from anything that had gone on in the comment section. I was baffled by it.

When did I become pissed? When the other commenter I had been engaging with took the opportunity to jump on the bandwagon and tell me to “get a grip” and also to make another catty comment about the possibility of being “yelled” at again.  The blog owner? Apparently she found that just fine and assured said commenter that she would not experience that again in that space. It’s fine for me to be attacked because my view was the wrong one, but not fine for me to engage in a civil discussion. Yeah.

So here is the deal. I already apologized over on this other blog for causing a commenter to feel brow beaten or yelled at. I apologized for hitting a hot button for the blog owners and causing them to feel attacked.  That was all sincere. I would never want to do that to anyone and if that was the result of my stating my views then certainly I am sorry.

But I don’t understand for the life of me how this whole thing could have escalated to that level.  For one thing, unmoderated comments on a blog to me has always implied that discussion and conversation is encouraged.  I personally am not interested in reading comments from groupies who never encourage me to think or do anything other than say, “hear hear!”

Neither does this person, apparently, because she doesn’t moderate her comments.  Yet, this particular exchange was offensive. Considering I wasn’t even addressing her, I really find that amazing.  I guess I don’t think of the comments as my space, actually. I feel everybody has every right to say whatever they feel and that if two readers want to use the comments section to address each other that is up to them.

I really fail to see the point of encouraging discussion otherwise. So, have at it. The comments aren’t my space. If you’re not a spammer, you’re free to share your thoughts here, whatever they are. If you think my religion is a crock of shit, you’re free to say that.  If you think I shouldn’t have posted on this other blog or posted this post, you’re free to say that. If you think I’m brow beating someone now, you’re free to say that. If someone else disagrees with you, they are free to say so. That’s how it works over here.

And no, I won’t name names. Those who want to track this down can easily do so, but that is really beside the point.

Go behind the cut to see a discussion about tolerance.

Incidentally, if you would like to have a discussion about judging others, this would be a good place to put it. I’ll get the ball rolling there.  Personally, I feel that using a wide brush to paint individuals with is a dangerous thing to do. I think that’s true whether you are talking about Christians, Muslims, Jews, Kinky people, Poly People, Perverts, Lawyers, Musicians, Teachers, Rich People, Poor People, People from Texas, or Martians.

It is never as simple as it appears. To say that only the poor abused minorities should get to defend themselves while those who are lucky enough to be in the mainstream should shut up and accept mischaracterizations because they come from backgrounds that are unfortunate is madness.  Should the children pay because their parents or grandparents or great great grandparents in the middle ages were bad?

Discuss away.