So, I spent most of last night crying after I heard the direction it looks like this is heading in. Kids on the weekends? School down south with few options for involvement? I am seriously depressed. I think Master is too though he has to speak for himself.
You don’t seem to want me to to know your thoughts CC, which is too bad because I really wanted us to stay connected and I’ve tried very hard, but if you don’t you don’t. Still, I have some things to say to both of you. You probably won’t like them but I doubt you will be surprised.
We need to grow up. This is about the kids not us. We have spent the last year in a selfish and childish “battle” for our own happiness and our own well being and everyone fighting for their own needs. It needs to stop.
We’ve already made choices for ourselves. CC, you chose to walk away and stop trying due to your level of frustration and feeling of lack of passion. You wanted something different in your love life. Master, you continually chose jealousy, anger, and a desire for the past over fixing things in the moment. You ultimately came around and wanted to change for her, but it was too late. You both made this split happen, although a little patience would have gone a long way on both sides. It still would.
So, you guys chose happiness and sanity inter personally. You chose to separate further by moving away and taking jobs far apart. Everyone chose. And now we have a mess and everyone is unhappy because they can’t be parents the way they want.
You told me as this was happening that divorce doesn’t ruin kids. You’re right, it doesn’t. Kids are really resilient. I think what it ruins is parents. Half time parenting is no way to parent (though weekend parenting is certainly that much worse). CC you’re experiencing this right now I know.
When you’re by yourself there is less time to go around. I have felt it from the day you packed the kids up and took them to Jessie’s and we were stuck with a cold empty house. I suppose you felt it in reverse. Now we never know what is happening at your house and vice verse. We never are fully on the same page and we are all fighting for a little normalcy with these kids and a little more time.
Well, we can’t have our cake and eat it too. It doesn’t work that way. There is a reason the experts say that parenting is a problem even in amicable divorces.
CC, so you want them to go to school down there because you dislike your long hours and the amount of time you get to see them. I don’t believe for a minute you would get more time with them this way. Your work schedule and our lack of proximity is the problem. Fix that. Don’t blame someone else, or the economy. Don’t tell me you have to pay Jessie’s mortgage when you walked away from your own.
Guess what? We signed up for this. Having chosen to “fix” our personal problems we have also chosen to harm our parenting and our options with the kids. I get that everyone is unhappy with it, but that’s the way it is. If you want to stay in your separate corners with your separate lives then this is the way it is. So work to make it the best you can, or sacrifice in another area.
Something has to give. Personally I’d give the job, where I live, how my life looks (e.g. poly or not) etc over making things harder with the kids, but I realize I am the only one. Since you aren’t willing to give those things, what are you willing to give? You’re going to have to figure it out. Time seems to be the currency now.
That’s what I thought having kids was about, sacrifice. I’ve certainly sacrificed a lot to be a parent in this family. Even though I am the one who now gets to fill in the gaps between two people who can’t function together. But I don’t see much sacrifice from you two.
Please get on board. I can’t bear to see the kids go, and I don’t think either of you should either.
